So, I learned about demisexuality today. And — correct me if I’m wrong — the extent of demisexuality is “I don’t want to have sex except with people I care about”. If there’s something I’m missing about demisexuality that isn’t expressed in this, that’s great.
But if that’s the extent of demisexuality? Fuck off, everyone who self-describes as “demisexual”, because “demisexuality” is not a goddamn sexuality in the same manner as being homosexual or bisexual or pansexual or asexual. It is a preference. That’s all it is. It’s an admirable preference, I suppose - I can understand not really wanting to have that kind of intimate physical connection without a strong emotional bond.
What if I only wanted to have sex with people I hate? Is that its own sexuality? (No, it’s a preference - admittedly one I would not understand, but a preference). I’d still be a straight white guy from a upper middle class household with all the entitlement in the world, except now I’d be one with a special name for my sexual preference - a ~sexuality~ rather than just a preference.
Demisexuality is not a sexuality, and it enrages me that people use the “sexuality” term at the end of it to pretend like it’s the same thing as homosexuality, as pansexuality, as asexuality. People don’t get the shit beaten out of them because they only want to fuck people they have an emotional attachment with. I don’t see people being discriminated against because they have certain emotional needs before they rub bits against other bits. The plight of the poor demisexuals, what with their oppression in plenty of countries… and their underrepresentation in the media… and inequality with heterosexuals in the United States about several civil rights issues…
Yeah, totally the same thing. I need to introduce my preferences as a sexuality so maybe my preferences will finally get the respect they deserve!
No. It’s not a sexuality. You don’t get to co-opt the LGQBT movement for your fucking interest in emotional bonds before you boink.
It also does a really nice job of implying some really fucking stupid things - like that people who don’t necessarily need an emotional investment (hi! i’m one of these people) would prefer an emotional investment given the chance (hi! i’m one of these people too!), or that there are a variety of factors that can go into play as to who wants to fuck who and why they want to fuck who they want to fuck, and not each individual thing is a “sexuality”.
Why can’t demisexuality be “I don’t have much of a sex drive but emotional bonds really turn me on”? Why do you need to call it its own fucking sexuality like you are a unique and special snowflake in your domain of demisexuality? Is being heterosexual (or homosexual, or pansexual, or whatever -sexual I’m missing here) with the qualifier of “I don’t have much interest in fucking people I’m not emotionally attached to” somehow beneath you?
(And this isn’t even getting into the implications of slut shaming and whatnot that come from “demisexuality”, like somehow I’m less for not needing an emotional attachment to stick my dick in someone.)
If you want to have sex exclusively with people who you’re emotionally close to? Sure! That’s your thing, that’s fine.
If you want to refer to yourself as a ~demisexual~ because of this? Go fuck yourself, you entitled asshole.